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SubscriptionsSites I Read
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| Neighbor: "Don't you drive the yellow Mustang?"
"Uh, well...not exactly...it's actually a...slightly different, uhm...well it is yellow. A yellow...Neon. Common confusion."
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I love multiple choice. Love love love it.
The problem with essays is the answer is not on the page.
You must have some vague idea of what you're talking about. Unless it's a communications essay final. Those I just made up. Oh the glory days.
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I was talking to little Hannah about her final tests for first grade, and my finals for the year:
"My tests are hard...I have to know all these rules to make sure I don't give people advice and have them end up in jail."
To which she very seriously responded: "Yeah, mine are really hard too....I have to stay inside the circles. *sigh*"
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This is where I point out that Joanna and Hannah truly are the same person. I distinctly remember Joanna having a minor breakdown when required by the State to take her first standardized test. She was so concerned she would go outside the circle. =P
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Guy walks up to another guy who is stretched out across a couch in the library with his feet dangling over the edge flipping through an outline....
"Dude, you really need to take your job more seriously."
"I am, I'm studying."
"You aren't taking your job as a law student seriously, look at you..."
"I'm STUDYING. How am I not taking this seriously?"
"You look like you're lying on the beach. Look more...studious."
Apparently one is not really a studious law student unless you are frantically turning pages with a pained expression on your face. God forbid you lay down.
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Mommy: "Cel is going to LA to live with Del during the Spring."
Me: "She's not living with me, she's living on campus."
Zach: "She's lucky if she gets to live with you..."
Me: "I wish you would come live with me Zach!"
Zach: "Will you promise not to hit me in the head like my mom?"
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Apparently Zach went to school with a large bruise on his forehead. When his teacher asked what happened to him, he just said: "My mom hit me with a wooden boomerang." The only reason CYS didn't show up for dinner that night was his addition of a small footnote at the end explaining it was likely unintentional.
Christy was teaching Zach how to use a boomerang and it didn't end so well.
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After having some presents accidentally mislabeled, someone asked me about the one with my name on it that I was holding in an attempt to make sure I had the right present:
"Does it feel like a book?...like a book that it most certainly is not?...*cough*"
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Daddy opening his present:
"A tie! And my favorite color!"
Joanna: "Good, because you never wore the grey one I got you last year..."
"I don't even know where it is! But I love this one!"
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I discovered that my father has my sister's names in his phone as "Joanna Joy" and "Cecilia Rose" while I am "Delphia Weissert"---like he couldn't remember the last name he gave me or something, has to program it in the phone----anyway, after this discovery Joanna was changing my name in the phone to "Delphia Ann" when she proudly informed me that she included the "e" at the end of my middle name. I looked at her for a moment thinking she was making a cruel joke by reminding me that my name is in fact 'e'-less when I realized she fully believed that my middle name was spelled with an 'e'.
Being an avid Anne of Green Gables fan, I am particularly aware of the lack of an 'e'. Always one to be on the sensitive side, she continued:
Joanna: "Are you kidding me, it doesn't have an 'e'? oh my god, our parents have no taste! What an ugly name!"
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Joanna: "What is apoplectic? Is it anything like a conniption?"
*much laughter at her expense*
"...I don't think 'conniption' is quite the technical term..."
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I was watching Times Square shenanigans on New Years Eve and noticed the Clinton's standing on the platform. Momentarily confusing my words while trying to remember Chelsea Clinton's name I accidentally slipped out:
"Is that Monica?"
After people finished coughing down their beverages I realized my blunder. 
Just in case you were wondering, it was not Monica. 
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Sarah and I have this thing about stores. We close them. No joke. I need to live some place where things are open until the wee hours of the morning, because that's when I come alive. It's a terrible trait because you never get anything done and it's never your fault--nothing is open!
Okay, so maybe it's my fault. But it's just more fun sometimes.
We decided to go to Mervyn's, because it is going out of business, in search of an inexpensive candle for my new candle holder for my new-ish apartment. It is all very exciting.
But against our strong wills and incredible fortitude we were distracted and forced to succumb to the irresistible appeal of the 80% off women's/children's clothing. We made our route through the entire store with little time left before the store closed loading our cart with clothes for us to try on, and clothes for the children in our lives who we have a duty to train to appreciate a good pair of jeans. We had almost grasped at the shoe section when it was announced that we had 15 minutes before the store closed---and a gargantuan stack of clothes left to try on. We RAN to the dressing room, swore on our lives that they had no idea how quickly we could change clothes (which, for the record, is rather hard to explain to someone without sounding like a loose woman), and convinced the employees to let us attempt to try on everything before the store closed.
You have never seen more clothes tried on in less time.
We were outta there with five minutes to spare.
And less than half the clothes we walked into the dressing rooms with.
And no candle.
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"If I take you here you have to promise not to try and make out with me."
She said this, grinning, as I carefully drove in the dark to the top of a remote hill to an empty lot where I was promised an incredible view of the entire valley lit up for as far as you could see in every direction.
We tramped through the mud to the center of the hill and--it was quite impressive. I wish I had taken my camera so you could see too. She kicked at the dirt and announced her firm intent for this exact parcel of land to be under her future home.
That is gonna be some house.
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Going home in 2 days! I can't wait to see my Zach and Hannah! And Abe! And the rest of those people I'm related to...
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